Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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