Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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