Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
