Your dad touched me again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
