The maid of honor just puked.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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