am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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