He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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