Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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