Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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