let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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