Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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