Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
