just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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