oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
