The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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