I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
