I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
