You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
