Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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