I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
