Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
