He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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