had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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