you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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