I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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