i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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