I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm going to jail i love you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
