you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
