There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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