but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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