You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
