woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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