did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
