She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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