If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You took a bar mat shot.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
