I puked a lego.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
