You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
