Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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