Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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