I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
