I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
