Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
