i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
