Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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