If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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