someone get that fucking seahorse.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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