There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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