it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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