Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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