I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
These tits shall not be calmed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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