How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
