So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
