dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
