so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
