Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
