3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
