I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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