you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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