the day after is always just damage control
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He passed out mid-signature
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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