I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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