you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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