That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
