Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
