i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
