it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
