no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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