I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
