hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
