It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
