wanna go halves on a baby?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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