I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
