You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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