Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
