how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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