Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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