Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
