I'm gonna have a badass scar
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
