Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They have beer where we have blood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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