So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
