Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
