; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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