Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize